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Pink Ribbon Overload: There is No Escape

October 30, 2008 — The Moody Foodie

 

Congratulations to our friend Ashlee, who managed to snap a picture of the elusive pink ribbon tiny hair tongs.  Speaking from experience, I’d say these might come in particularly handy when you finally decide that no amount of mascara is going to make your two remaining eyelashes look like a full set.

 

  And then there’s this.  What is it, you ask?  Well, DUH!  It’s a thing to hold your spoon for you, silly!  Because really, who has time to hold their own spoon anymore?  Sheesh!  Next thing you know you’ll be telling me you expect me to actually makemy own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!  Notice also, the pink ribbon coffee to the right of the spoon holder thingies.  See what I mean, folks?  There is no escape. Don’t be tryin’ to forget you’ve got The Cancer during the month of October.   Ain’t gonna happen.

 Finally, we have some mighty pink earphones.  Now, I’m actually kinda diggin’ these things.  At least they’re bright pink, and not all pastel, wimpy pink.  Besides, when you’re wearing them, you wouldn’t actually be able to see them to be reminded about your cancer.

 Tomorrow is it—the end of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I’ve saved a few of my favorites for tomorrow’s post, so check back then.  And thanks to everyone who submitted photos—you guys made it way more fun than it would have been if it were just me.

Posted in breast cancer, cancer, food, humor, pink ribbon overload. Tags:, , , , , , . 2 Comments »

Pink Ribbon Overload: If You Can’t Take the Pink, Get Out of the Kitchen

October 29, 2008 — The Moody Foodie

Sometimes, pink ribbon products sneak home unnoticed.  I present Exhibit A: The Pink Ribbon Broccoli.  I picked this up at the store on Friday, but didn’t notice until Monday that it’s breast cancer broccoli.  Mmmmm!  That sounds almost as yummy as Tanya’s breast cancer soup!  If I can find some pink ribbon Velveeta, we’d be all set for some breast cancer broccoli cheese soup.

 

We also have Exhibit B: The rare albino pink ribbon edition Kitchen Aid Mixer, as submitted by Jennifer.  I say rare because Kitchen Aid is well known for its pink, really, really pink product line.   Jennifer noted, “If you weren’t paying attention, you wouldn’t even realize the ribbon was there, no pink mixer, no excessive pinkness on the box….Maybe this is the way to do it, you can feel good about the pink ribbon purchase, but aren’t constantly reminded about the cancer every time you use it.  And, if you are gift-giving, it can be kind of like, ‘I donated to the pink ribbon in your name, and I got you this mixer as a token of their appreciation.’  Kind of like Save the Whales, but with the added advantage of a mixer instead of a paper certificate.” 

 

 Hey, I’m all for free kitchen gadgets.  Now all I need is that ribbon shaped cake pan…

Posted in breast cancer, cancer, food, humor, pink ribbon overload. Tags:, , , ,, , . 2 Comments »
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Tasty Thursday: The Cookie of Life

December 4, 2008 — The Moody Foodie

cookie

See this cookie?  Now, at first glance, you might think it’s an Oreo.  And that’s what it wants you to think, I suppose, because it appears to want to be an Oreo really, really badly.  But take a closer look.  It doesn’t say Oreo, does it?  In the middle where it should say Oreo, it instead has a woman.  A woman, I might add, who looks as if she’s been applying said cookies directly to her hips.  But it can’t be these cookies that gave our fat-bottomed friend her full figure, because you’ll notice that these cookies have “zero trans fats” written right on them.  Or then again, maybe it IS because of these cookies.  I mean, look at her—she looks a little angry standing there with her hands on her ample hips.  Almost as if she’s saying, “Hey, wait a minute!  You tricked me with that zero trans fats thing!  I thought this stuff was diet food!”

Would the person who thought of this please come forward?  Really. Embossing “zero trans-fats” ON the cookie?  ‘Cause, you know whenever I’m eatin’ me a fistful of faux-reos, I’m all about how healthy they are.  In fact, I can often be found examining each cookie individually to see whether or not it is labeled “zero trans-fats.”  You just can’t be too careful these days.  Why, I don’t eat anything unless the marketing people tell me it’s good for me.  Sure, that fat free half & half is probably some sort of homogenated petroleum product, but doggone it, the packaging tells me if I use it I’ll live forever.  And who doesn’t want to do that, right?  I mean, what could be better than subsisting, for-ev-er, on nothing but the fat free fountain of youth?  Cancer?  Bah!  Who’s afraid of cancer?  Heart disease?  It bounces right off.  Why I’ve got a veritable force field of health protection around me, now that I’ve eaten a whole package of trans fat free cookies in one sitting. 

And one of these days, when I’m celebrating my 612th birthday, and the space-age media androids come to ask me how I’ve lived so long, I’ll give credit where credit is due.  “Sandwich cookies,” I’ll say, “and not those over-priced name brand ones, either.  The cheap, imitation Oreos that say ‘no trans fats’ on them, Sonny, that’s the secret to long life.”

Posted in Tasty Thursday, cancer, food, humor. Tags: , , ,, , . 4 Comments »

I Feel a Song Coming On…

December 3, 2008 — The Moody Foodie

Okay, so now for a little bit of randomness.  (Shocking, I know.)

In case you haven’t noticed, yesterday’s post was the first in a couple of weeks.  Now, what you probably don’t know is that when I don’t post, I don’t even visit my blog.  At all.  And now you’re like, “So? Why would you? To see if you wrote anything new yet?”  No, Smartypants, when I’ve been writing, Iobsess over frequently check my blog stats.  How many people have been there?  Has anyone left a witty response? Have there been any publishers offering book deals in the comments?  Also, I re-read the thing, like, 652 times just to make sure I didn’t miss any typos.  And, I even look at all the stuff that’s not really related to the current post like how many hits I’ve had from people searching for Pete’s Pride Pork Fritters, and what bizarre search engine terms have led people here lately.

So, because I hadn’t written, and therefore hadn’t been here at all, I’m just now seeing the great searches that were performed on my birthday.  Are you guys doing this on purpose?  Believe it or not I had three, yes, three searches on my birthday involving roller skating.  One of which was “why people like roller skating.”  Seriously?  Seriously?  Who needs to ask this?  Hubster, was that you?  (Oh, I’m sorry, that would be the “why people like dorky videos”search.)  Um, why do people like roller skating?  Hmm.  Let me think…gee, how about because it’s fun?  I mean, where else but the skating rink can you zoom around on wheels, to music, under a disco ball, AND watch people fall at the same time?  Besides heaven, I mean.  What’s not to like?  Sheesh. 

Then there was this one: skating alliteration.  No. Way.  Someone actually googled that and ended up here?  Sweet.  Those are, like, two of my favorite things.  Skating and saying something that starts with the same sound.  Heh heh.  Another one of my favorite things is rewriting songs.  Songs like, well, My Favorite Things…

Rewriting lyrics and butchering classics

Shocking the Hubster with kisses of static

Watching folks falling at the skating rink

These are the best things in life—so I think.

 

Writing in rhymes or with alliteration

Disco balls, coffee and procrastination

Big chunky jewelry and shoes with some bling

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Black raspberry pie and some laughing out loud

Yard-saling bargains and days without clouds

Having more hair than I had just last spring

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

When the sun’s gone

And my mood swings

When I’m feeling sad

I simply go get a big plate of cheese fries

(And vanilla Coke added straight to my thighs)

And then I don’t feel so bad

 

Yeah, I know, I don’t understand why no one is beating down my door to offer me a recording contract, either.  Perhaps it’s because I can’t sing my way out of a wet paper bag.
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Misty Watercolor Memories

December 8, 2008 — The Moody Foodie

Occasionally, I blog out of sheer boredom.  This usually happens when I’m waiting at the doctor’s office.  Like today.  Actually, I’m not even at Dr Schmidt’s office.  It’s down the hall.  And it’s full.  Totally full.  That’s okay though.  There are no computers in there.  Instead, there is a TV that’s not always broadcasting something inane, but sometimes is.  I prefer to avoid that if possible.  So here I am.

The computers are located next to the boutique.  You remember the boutique, right?  It’s where I got to try on my Aunt Phyllis’s hair before ultimately deciding I didn’t want a wig. 

The boutique is also where I first met The Foob.   It was like something straight out of an episode of The Young and the Breastless.  There I was…looking for a boob to replace the one I’d lost.  Oh, not a permanent boob.  You know, just a rebound boob.  And there he was—all flesh colored, and triangular, and French.  I knew as soon as I saw him that I must take him home.  Because, without him, my cup would be empty. 

For a while, we went everywhere together, he and I.  I took him mushroom hunting, and he took me to Cirque du Soleil.  Eventually, however, something began to come between us.  Indeed, it was my expander.  And while we continued on, trying to ignore the obvious signs, in the end we had to admit that it wasn’t going to work.
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KFC Mashed Potatoes:

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The mashed potatoes are served and made by mix. It comes in a bag
just add water and butter. Many people just come to KFC to get
these potatoes and gravy.
KFC Mashed Potatoes:
2 1/2 cups Idaho Potato Flakes
1 stick Margarine
2 tablespoons Butter
2 1/2 cups Hot Water
3/4 cup Milk
1 teaspoon salt
Heat water add butter and margarine till melted. Add the salt and
cook for 2 minutes. Add the flakes and mix till it looks like regular
potatoes. Add milk to proper consistency. Serve with gravy. Serves 6
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KFC Gravy:

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The Gravy used to be made fresh with the Cracklings. Now it comes
in a pouch and all you have to do is add water. Thank god for
modified starch products.
KFC Gravy:
1 1/2 tablespoons shortening, melted
3 tablespoons of Original Breading Flour
2 tablespoons all purpose flour
1 can Campbell’s Condensed Chicken Stock
1 can water
First we are going to make a roux with the melted shortening and 1
1/2 tablespoon of breading flour. Cook this over low heat for 10 to
15 minutes or until the roux browns in color to resemble a nice milk
chocolate color. Once the mixture turns brown remove it from the
heat and add the remaining flour and slowly add the liquid(s) to
incorporate it so no lumps. Bring the mixture to a boil and boil for 2
minutes reduce the heat and allow the mixture to thicken which would
take about 3 to 5 minutes.
*That is just the flour that you use to bread the chicken with.
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KFC Potato Wedges:

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The Colonel was in the kitchen one day and had an idea what to do
with the potatoes that he had and he came up with the Potato
Wedges. They used to be made fresh but due to the invention of the
frozen fry they are sent to the stores frozen and ready to cook.
KFC Potato Wedges:
shortening for Frying
5 Baking potatoes cut into Wedges
1 cup Milk
1 egg
1 cup flour
2 tablespoons salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon MSG
1/4 teaspoon Paprika
dash of garlic powder
Preheat shortening in to 375°F. Cut the potatoes into 16 to 18 equal
side wedges. Mix the egg and milk till well blended in a big bowl. Mix
the dry ingredients into a large bowl. Put some potatoes in the milk
and egg then into the flour mixture till well coated. Fry in fryer for
3 minutes remove from the oil and allow them to sit for one minute
and then cook them again for 5 minutes or until cooked. It may take
up to 6 minutes.
_______________________________________________________
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